Chapter 4 ‘How to have a good fight’

(The answers to the questions I ask are in the comments.)

People…What to do with them?…. I love John Ortberg’s title “Everybody is normal…until you get to know them”. Once you get to know them and rub up against each other there will always be places of conflict. If you haven’t experienced much conflict it is probably because your group is not really getting to know each other. Conflict will definitely come.

So, how do you react on the Tightrope? Kindness………………………………………..Confrontation.

Bill and Russ offer Healthy Conflict as the resolution to this challenge.Blog Discussion Question (BDQ1): Tell us a story of challenging confrontation you’ve experienced in a LifeGroup. I have a funny one and a serious one. So, since we don’t always get along should we try to fix that or just live with it. What is the motivation? Bill and Russ answer that by looking at our primary verse for LifeGroups, John 17:21 that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. Christ’s prayer was for us to experience the same level of oneness that He and the Father experience. That is a high bar! But the end of the verse highlights why. So the world will believe. People’s lives are at stake. We must get this oneness thing down so that people far from God will believe that He sent Christ to initiate a relationship with them. The confrontation challenge is one we must take head on and win, because the stakes are so high. Reread that section from page 97 through 101 and let God’s Holy Spirit quicken your spirit to fight for oneness.

 “Healthy conflict can facilitate some of the most transforming moments your group will ever have.” Pg. 104 I’ve said that healthy conflict can serve as steroids in building oneness. It is really an open opportunity to become one. BDQ2: Have you experienced this in a group?

The group stage diagram on pg. 105 is great and very helpful in preparing each one of us as leaders in anticipating what kind of conflict is around the corner and realizing that it is normal. The authors list a few other factors: Relational Unawareness, Extra Care Required and Interpersonal Tension.

Matt. 5:23-24 and Matt 18:15ff both provide the urgency and steps in healthy conflict resolution. The key that I have seen over and over again is 'keeping it between the two of you'. As leaders, we must have the courage to ask someone who is complaining about someone else if they have already talked with them directly. If they haven’t then tell them to zip it. When you say ‘zip it’ make sure you have a smile on your face:). Seriously, the point is to be clear and yet loving in your response. Check out the appendix on pg. 201 for more guidelines.

Now go out, rub up against people, resolve conflict in a healthy way when it arises, become one and participate in the cosmic redemption story.